At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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