FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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