I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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