sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
