I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
