I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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