I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
