under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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