then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
