Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
