i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
