It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
