good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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