Screwed.edu
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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