My underwear smells like fireworks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
