five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
