i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
