One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
