Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
