How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
