sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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