Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
