and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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