do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
