i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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