He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
