When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
