My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
