I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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