we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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