This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
