Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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