my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
