Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
