and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
