sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
