I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
