I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
