Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
