PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, beer. Big fan.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
