have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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