The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
