we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
