is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no you cant smoke seaweed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
