Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
