Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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