I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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