hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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