is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
