What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
