I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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