What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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