we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We have started to decorate penises.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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