The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
