I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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