i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
